bin/magento exiting quietly

I can do whatever I want (like just calling bin/magento which should give me a list of available commands, yet it does absolutely nothing… How do I troubleshoot this?

For context, this just started when I did the update from v2.4.2 to 2.4.4 (by following this steplist.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

submitted by /u/Your_Friendly_Nerd
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