M2 + varnish + logged in user = all cache miss?

I’m having an issue with varnish not caching when users are logged in that has been kicking my ass for weeks. Has anyone been able to get varnish to work with logged in users on M2?

My setup is nginx (443) -> varnish 5 (80) -> apache (8080)

Anonymized VCL is here: https://pastebin.com/010WqT84

If ANYONE can point me in the right direction here I would forever be grateful.